Monday, May 4, 2009

Top 10 household Zombie fighting tools

Popular Mechanics just published a list with 50 Tools Everyone Should Own in their May 2009 issue. Great, but it would be much more important which tools from that list can also double as DIY weapons against the impending Zombie onslaught now wouldn't it? So I give you the 10 Zombie fighting tools everybody should own:

1. Broom / broomstick
Probably the worst choice under any circumstances. Useful for holding back some Z's but not really made for attack and killing. Worse, nowadays you'd usually end up with a broomstick made out of plastic, and even a wooden one would be quite prone to breaking.

2. Kitchen knife
Comes in a huge variety and can be found nearly anywhere, but has some severe drawbacks: Reach is very limited, the knife is prone to remain stuck in the body of your Zombie opponent, and breaking of the blade is a very true danger.

3. Screwdiver
Durable and easy to come by, but also quite limited in reach and use. One would have to attack the head part of the Zack at hand, most prominently eyes and nose, which poses a great danger of getting bitten (and that, we know, is a 99% no-go with nearly any variety of Zombie).

4. Baseball bat
Limited usability with this one. Firstly, quite hard to come by outside of an USA scenario, and even though fairly effective for the first few blows, might become warped or even break after a dozen hits. Conceivable substitutes would be hockey bat, cricket bat and golf club.

5. Hammer
Depending on size and make, not a bad choice at all! Hammers come in a huge variety and are usually easy to locate in any household. Go for the largest size, and also checking the head is not wobbly before going into action is preferred.

6. Shovel
Blunt tools give you an edge over Zombies, since you don't need to stab and slash to kill them, but kick their head in. So a sturdy shovel (or spade, or even the fabulously handy trench tool) will do a good job to keep those Zeds at bay and even down them with some targeted blows.

7. Pipe Wrench
As with all tools up here on the evolutionary ladder of Zombie fighting household tools, the big industrial types are much larger and sturdier, but probably much harder to get a hold on in a pinch. This tool is also the most versatile, because you can use it to disassemble any machinery you encounter on the way to sell the intact parts on the scavenger black market in exchange for much-needed bottlecaps.

8. Axe
One of the oldest tools of mankind and rightly at the forefront of Zombie bone crunching. I'd prefer a blunt (not spiked) back-side to have the best of both worlds - dismemberment with Side 1 and crushing with Side 2. Do not confuse with pick-axe, which is far less effective due to its pointed head!

9. Crowbar
A much disputed choice in the Zombie fighter community, but a sturdy large crowbar will not only open up crowds of Zack, but also any locked doors or crumbling walls on the way to wherever you're going to loot more provision stashes. If you're serious, go for the big brother of the crowbar, the titanium Halligan bar.

10. Sledgehammer
Not everyone has this at home (me included) but it's hands down the best choice for impromptu Zombie defense, as can be seen to great effect in the movie rec. Get a large one and pound away. Simple yet awesome!

Anything missing in your home from that list? Be sure to stock up in your local hardware store before it's too late. Note that chainsaw, lawnmower and some other tools of zombie extermination often featured in popular media are not part of the list as they are not independent of power or fuel (and are also considered not very effective by internet zombie fighters around the world).

A lot more options can be found at the Zombie Survival & Defense guide (link below).

Melee Weapons - Zombie Survival & Defense Wiki