Dynamars Corporation updates

The Dynamars Corporation Updates were started on Something Awful in 2004 as a tongue-in-cheek parody of games and movies like Doom and Event Horizon. As can be learned from the updates, the Mars settlers are busy fighting trans-dimensional doorways to Hell, out-of-control fast food restaurants, animals appearing out of nowhere, and also extremely strict company policy. Below is a list of all articles, starting with the first one.

Surviving residents are advised to ignore the ominous transmissions coming from Ares Station. In all likelihood, Resident #010 mistakenly activated a damaged subsystem, causing the station to automatically transmit dire predictions of death. DynaMars Corporation wishes to remind all residents that these predictions are the beliefs of a damaged Ares Station subsystem, and not those of the DynaMars Corporation itself.

• 06-05-2293 - 11-02-2293
  
  
• 03-12-2295 - 09-20-2295
  
  
• 05-15-2301 - 07-14-2301
  
  
• 07-15-2301 - 08-07-2301
  
  
• 03-01-2304 - 03-11-2304 [Complaint Queue Logs]
  
  
• 04-02-2304 - 04-04-2304 [Command Queue Logs]
  
  
• 04-07-2304 - 04-21-2304
  
  
• 06-23-2305 - 07-10-2305
  
  
• 08-16-2305 - 08-26-2305